The Leg of Lamb - A Modern Parable

Like most little girls, this little girl liked standing at her mother’s side and asking questions about what she was doing. It is how little girls like to learn, they watch and ask. One day her mother was making a roast leg of lamb. Now lamb is very expensive these days, but back then it wasn’t so bad, in fact you could buy a whole SIDE of lamb for the cost of what we pay today for a leg, but that is not part of the story.

The mother took the trusty baking dish from the cupboard. You know the one, its been used for years, every Sunday it is in the hot hot oven, cooking some kind of delicious meat. The mother put the dish on the counter, then took the leg of lamb and put it on the wooden chopping board. With a big knife she cut off just over an inch, but less than two inches. Before she could stab the meat and put peeled garlic cloves in the muscle then smear the skin and cut with French mustard her daughter piped up.

“Mummy” she said “why do you cut off the end of the leg of lamb?”

Her mother pondered the question.

“I am not sure. My mummy (your grandmother) always did. Why don’t you ring her up and ask her why”

So while her mother peeled the potatoes and stringed the beans the little girl called up her Grandmother.

“Granny, why did you cut the end off the leg of lamb?”

Her Grandmother laughed and said

“You know, my mother always did it so i did, let’s ring Great Great Aunty Dora, she will know why” (Great Granny died a looong time ago)

The Grandmother rang Great Great Aunty Dora and conferenced in the little girl. Granny is pretty technologically hip don’t you think?

“Dora” Granny said “Can you remember why my mother used to cut the ends off her legs of lamb?”

Great great Aunty Dora might be old but she is sharp as a tack and replied without a moment to even search through those long long years of memories.

” Of course I do. When your mother married I gave her a baking dish as a wedding present. Thing is, I was not much of a cook myself and the dish was not really long enough for a leg of lamb. I wasn’t to know back in those days. Your mother would cut the end off the lamb so it would fit into her little baking  dish”

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This is a story I have told in a few presentations as an ice-breaker about change, and questioning why things are done the way they are done.

I hope you enjoyed it.

Positively Gorgeous!

One of the things I truly appreciate about having MS is that it taught me there is not enough time in the world, to indulge in negative thinking.  And an indulgence it is!

I am not talking about feeling depressed, that is something altogether different and something that should start with a trip to your doctor if feeling down goes longer than a few days.

I am talking about the kind of people that see the darker side of the equation every time, who prefer to be right about unpleasant happenings, than being right about the good stuff in life. Mostly it is not their fault, because “what you don’t know, you don’t know”.  They don’t know they are like this.

Think about your average office metrics.

We measure failure to reach goals and give it at a higher priority than celebrating success. We look at how many high severity problems we had, rather than how much time we had untroubled by issues. We spend all of our energy trying to minimise bad, without thinking about how much more engaging and pleasant it would be to spend that energy on increasing the good.

This negative environment gives the worker the message that it not only OK to be negative, but you need to be GOOD at being negative to get ahead…. what kind of crappy nonsense is that?!

If the office worked to improve to positive standards in the end the results will be exactly the same, but the mindset of those working to reach those targets, will be completely different.

How we think should be a conscious decision rather than a consequence of just existing. Living means taking an active part in molding who you are and how you think.

If you have read this far then I am going to hit you with this statement You are no longer permitted to be indulgently negative as you now know that this is a choice you are making.

I am not going to tell you to stop being negative, I am going to tell you to notice the times things are positive. When things are going well, pause for just a second or two and indulge in FEELING GOOD.  Smile and congratulate yourself that you remembered to do this, and think about other feel-good times.

It may feel weird in the beginning, and you may need to move the feelings from your right brain to the left by writing them down. However you get to be “in the moment” with that feeling is OK; pinch yourself to notice, count the smiles, list, record, count….but NOTICE!

Soon enough you will start applying those feelings to new events. Appreciation of others, gratitude in general, and being part of the whole, rather than an individual, will become more common in your daily routine. You don’t lose who you are, you expand to be more than that island battling against the odds.

You lose nothing by changing this mindset, but you gain so much

Beat your Brain Into Submission

If you have always done it that way, it is probably wrong. Charles Kettering

To make any change in life the circumstances, motivation, environment and need all have to be aligned to ensure that there is any chance of that change sticking.

Look at how the internet sales people feed on the fact that most people will NOT carry through with anything they start. They know that humans have good intentions but awful follow through. They make a fortune selling good advice to people that will nod and say “Yes I know this to be true, I will do this!’” and a few weeks later are back saying ” I will finish it when XYZ is right”.

Is the internet sales person wrong to take advantage of that? Is the person who continually starts these programs, but fails to carry through, at fault?

If you have read my “about me” you will see I was gifted with the best thing to make a change, the circumstances where I had to change. For most people in day to day life this just does not happen spontaneously. As no one sets out to fail, how do you ensure that you have the best chance in succeeding in what you want to change.

1. Know Yourself

You are the only person that hears your inner dialogue, the little voice that is mostly negative and is trying to save you from humiliation, embarrassment or physical harm. That little voice is a left over from our distant past where we weren’t sure whether it was safe when the sun went down, and would caution us to look around before going into dark places. Being from the left half of your brain the inner dialogue bases all of its information on what it sees as factual information. Lists, numbers, processes, procedures etc. It has no concept of creativity or self-improvement, it only wants self preservation. In short the inner dialogue is Status Quo Central.

Now I am not saying that the inner voice can be completely ignored. I believe the inner voice should be treated like all other avenues of information. Listen politely, digest the facts, take what you like and leave the rest. Remember the inner voice is only working with one half of your brain and only wants what it sees as best for you and so some of the caution it advises is common sense.

2. Make Consequences for Failure

I am one of those infuriatingly positive people that can make lemonade out of any lemon. But when it comes to change, FAILURE IS FAILURE. Don’t be easy on yourself with this one, storing the memory in a back cupboard of your mind is just not good enough. Do you think personal trainers tell you “oh it is alright you put on weight this month”? No they scream blue bloody murder and make you aware that you have failed by working you 3 times as hard.

Create consequences for your failing. Even better get someone else involved to ensure that those consequences are followed through (because if you are like me you just know that you will talk yourself out of performing the consequences). Have them remove something you enjoy or need, make it tangible and painful. Make it so big you can not even contemplate the loss. How about losing your car, your savings, your internet access forever. A permanent loss is more terrifying than for a period of time. Ensure that the person taking the thing is not a close friend who will crack under your tears. If you are absolutely sure you will be punished for failure you have a better chance of changing.

3. Reward Yourself for Success

An oldie but a goody. Rewards must be in proportion to the success and start sufficiently far down the track that significant change has already taken place before they kick in. The process of change itself will need to be the reward in the beginning.

The sad thing here is that more that 80% of people reading this will be nodding their heads and agreeing, yet will go away and slip back into the comfortable habitual existence that they are used to.

Are you going to be one of the few that do change?

If you have to change - you have a good chance at changing

If you want to change - you need to make it as if you have to change